My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.

What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁

  • @Classy@sh.itjust.works
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    16 days ago

    People who run in front of cars get tired.
    People who run next to cars get winded.
    People who run behind cars get exhausted.

    • @rammer@sopuli.xyz
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      015 days ago

      People who ride a bicycle next to cars are too tired. People who ride old bicycles next to cars eating pennies are penny farting.

  • @JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world
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    916 days ago

    Q: What do you call a large amphibious mammal with a huge mouth, large teeth, fat body and goes around swearing at passers-by?

    A: Hippopottymouth

  • missingno
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    3716 days ago

    What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

    What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.

    A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”

    Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.

    I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”

    I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.

    I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.

  • NullPointer
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    2516 days ago

    do you have any holes in your socks?

    no?

    how’d you get your feet in there?

  • @WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world
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    1015 days ago

    A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.

    Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.

    • @cynar@lemmy.worldOP
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      1116 days ago

      She’s discovered the concept, along with jokes, she doesn’t quite “get” them yet. She gets the basic idea, but not the subtleties that make them work. The results are cute, but horrifically bad.

      • Have you done banana banana banana orange yet? Can be retold many ways by kids who didn’t quite get the pun, like “grape you glad I’m not a banana.” Hilarious every time, when you’re the 5 year old.

  • Clay_pidgin
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    1016 days ago

    Wanna hear my favorite knock knock joke? Great!

    You start…

  • @CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world
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    4116 days ago

    What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)

    • @cynar@lemmy.worldOP
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      2216 days ago

      The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.

      What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

      What big brown and sticky? A big stick.

      What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.

      Que flat confused look.

      5 years olds can be a tough crowd.

      • @Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
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        1316 days ago

        Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:

        Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”

        Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”

        I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.

        Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.